Way Too Much Excitement for This Mama

This evening, the children and I were traveling home from the grocery store. The sky was a little stormy on the way, but looked clear heading home. We were hoping to get home and beat the storm – nothing like unloading four children + food for an army in the pouring rain while one thinks the rain is the greatest thing ever and another screams like the sky is pouring acid on every pore. The other two carry in the smallest bag possible and wimp out on the rest – until I stronghold them and then they carry in things, but only if they can simultaneously let me know that they are very unhappy with the arrangement and I have obviously ruined their clothes by letting them get wet. So yes, I was eager to get home before my happily helpful children were traded for the children from, well – you get the picture.

Anyway, we were traveling on a four-lane highway that was unusually busy. We were talking about the big black truck in front of us. Big truck. Big tires. Very, very loud. But it was a newer truck, so I suppose the owner is one of those people that think it is cool for your new truck to sound like an old truck. Go figure. Anyway, I glance in my rearview mirror and there is another truck as close to my bumper as they could get without touching me. In fact, I was certain they were going to bump me at any moment. The truck (maroon) finally swerves around me as if to pass – but I’m not sure where, as there was an SUV up ahead. Otherwise, I would have been in the right lane myself. I was going as fast as the black truck in front allowed…not like I was a granny driver in the fast lane. So the maroon truck swerves around (Olivia said it was a girl who was laughing) and guns it to get parallel with the black truck in front of me. The black truck proceeds to rev (gun, whatever the lingo) so that his truck is ROARING going down the highway. Over and over. Louder and Louder. We realize the two trucks must know each other. Or perhaps it’s their owners who know one another. Regardless, they proceed to gas, brake, gas, brake until I am pretty much freaking out – I mean, I have precious cargo here!

So then Crazy Black Truck gasses it and takes off at high speed – just to swerve in front of the SUV (who apparently is an innocent victim as well) and slam on his brakes. Thankfully, the SUV was attentive and didn’t hit the truck. Crazy Black Truck’s owner proceeds to shoot a bird while swerving from left to right lanes so that no one could pass (as if any of us WANTED to get any closer to him). Mind you, we are traveling at about 50 mph. With traffic all around. With no median separating us from head-on traffic and a guard rail keeping us from the river. So the right lane now has Crazy Black Truck, then the innocent SUV, and then Laughing Maroon Truck. Out of nowhere come a black car, followed by a white car. In and out, zig-zaging in and out, around car after car from left to right – and then around us. Crazy Black Truck gasses it and cuts in front of them, back in the left lane. So now we have Crazy Black Truck, black car, and white car in front of us. Dear God, our turn is just ahead. Please let them go straight.

The whole time this is going on, I am trying to figure out how to avoid these words: stupid, freakin’, and ticked off. They are the only words that I really want to say, yet I have four children in the car and so my sentences go something like, “Oh – you’ve got to be … how … oh my… get away! Go away! You are … so… st…frrrr…Friday night is … oh my… I am so..” you get the point. Nothing making sense. So to add to the noise of Crazy Black Truck, I now hear, “What? What? What’s happening?” over and over x three children (plus Ella who thinks the wind in her hair is great, so she’s cheering from the back). Finally they realize that Mommy is insane and they need to be silent. Except for Ella, who keeps reminding me how precious my cargo really is.

Long story short – well, too late for that – anyway, Laughing Maroon Truck, black car and white car all zoom straight ahead and Crazy Black Truck makes a few more swerves and takes a left. Thankfully he decided to kick it in turbo and zoomed far enough ahead that the noise was no longer deafening and I could finally think clearly and try to figure out what just happened. I had to think a lot b/c I had to use vocabulary for the children that didn’t include any of the words that I wanted to use. I also wanted to convey the experience in a way that really let them know how their actions endangered not only their lives, but other’s as well. And I had to figure out how to start breathing again.

Not sure if I got the point across, but I did manage to only say “That ticks me off – Mommy shouldn’t have said that – don’t ever say that” one time.