Some days go more smoothly than others. What I've found is that those days are the ones that have a plan and/or scripture. Without scripture or at least a plan (which is scriptural anyway, as God was a God of order), you can just hang it up on having a smooth day.
We are still tweaking the scheduling. I have tried doing the timed schedule. The problem with that is it requires me to get up at a set time to get the day started. While I would love to say that I can do that, that I am a woman of discipline who can rise before the sun and have a fully cooked meal on the table for her family every day, I just can't. Or I guess I should say, "Won't." Because I know that if I went to bed earlier, had less on my to-do list, etc., I could do it.
So, right now our schedule is more of a routine than a time...so I'll get up somewhere between 6:15 and 7 and head to the kitchen. Most of the time I can go ahead and cook breakfast. But sometimes the day before was "one of those" and I left dishes...so I then have to do the dishes from the night before and THEN do breakfast. This invariably gets me in a grumpy mood. So I try not to do it very often. Breakfast is usually one of the following: homemade biscuits, homemade Amish griddle cakes, homemade chocolate chip muffins, oatmeal, homemade cinnamon rolls, French toast from...you guessed it...homemade sourdough bread. Sometimes I'll do scrambled eggs with the biscuits. And if finances allow, we may have a slice of bacon or a sausage patty to go with our carbs. I used to could get a package of biscuits for those days that I didn't want to cook...not anymore. They are spoiled and just do not eat them well. The only packaged breakfast I can get away with now is packaged ch. chip muffins...but even then I hear, "these are small," "these taste different," "These have little chocolate chips," "I like yours better," etc. So, if I'm cooking breakfast, what's the problem? I'm not always able to get it finished in time for my hard-working husband to eat before he leaves the house. Yep. He sometimes gets tortured with the smell of it cooking - and then leaves with a bagel spread with peanut butter. Yikes! How cruel!
Sooooo...My goal is to work my way up to waking up no later than 6, preferably by 5:30 so I can have time to tidy, read some Bible, catch up on the email/texts that came in over night, etc. Maybe even have time to iron my husband's clothes for him so he doesn't have to. Gasp! I'd also like to have the children on a schedule that just functions so smoothly that they can do their stuff without needing my guidance. I've seen the book Managers of Their Homes by the Maxwells (Titus 2 Ministry) and it looks helpful. But before I allow myself to purchase it, I am requiring myself to learn to awaken at a set time every day. If I can't do that, then all the scheduling tips in the world won't help me.
Also, getting the children involved in the Bible early in the school day makes a WORLD of difference. So making sure that is in the daily list of things to do. The problem is that there are so many "good" things to do, that they are crowding out the "great" stuff...so I need to pair it down and prioritize. Yippee!! A list! I'm sooo good at making lists...now keeping up with where I put them? That's another issue, ha!
So, I'll be working on that in the next few weeks. Hope to have something up and running WELL by January. We'll see!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Review of Parenting Conference with John Rosemond
I went to a conference the other day with John Rosemond presenting. After reading some of his columns from papers, I thought he had a good take on this parenting thing. I always enjoy hearing other viewpoints, especially when they turn out to be MY viewpoints, just packaged a little differently, ha! So I packed up and went, expecting to hear a little humor, a little parenting advice. Right on both counts.
He had some good points. He had some very questionable points. He had some flat out inaccurate points. But I could see why he said what he said...I just do not agree with his means to the end. Let's see if I can clarify...
He has a very good point that children "way back when" (he's 61 yrs at this time of writing) had a better respect for authority, that if the smallest teacher told the biggest thug to sit down and be quiet, he did. We are seriously lacking in that respect these days. I agree with this. It's his solution that has caused me to seriously reflect on my own beliefs and the truths I have found in my own parenting journey. He feels that a child needs to fear his mother, that there should not be a friendship relationship at all – that once we are friends with our child, our leadership is devalued. I understand that to a point. But I think there is a middle ground. I feel that we can be a true leader while at the same time enjoy being with our children – and they with us. Yes, there are times they do not enjoy us and us them. But for a child to “rise up and call her blessed”, a mother needs to do more than bark orders and teach independence. His assertion that a relationship not exist between a mother and her child is simply not acceptable unless your only goal is to rear children so that they leave home one day.
A teacher 'back then" was able to teach fifty first-graders in one classroom their ABC's and how to read and write more effectively than a teacher can do with twenty in today's classroom...because mothers "taught the ADD out of children BEFORE they got to school." Again...good point. ADD is over-diagnosed and over-medicated. Many times children have watched too much television or played too many video games with constantly changing screens to pay attention to a "boring" teacher. But that does not mean that ADD does not exist for some people. Also, while behavior changes can be made for many said students, if parental support is not there, then medication may be the only way for them to succeed even a little in school. Not ideal by any means, but true.
Rosemond said that mothers spend too much time with their children - that there is no need to constantly "orbit" around a child past the age of two years. That by constantly orbiting, meeting every need, micromanaging his entire day, the mother is in fact doing a disservice to her child. That instead, a mother should tell her child to leave her alone, that he is bothering her. Send him outside to figure things out for himself. Because the media has blown child abductions out of proportion – that we are actually safer now than years ago. Hmmmm….food for thought. After mulling it over for a few days, I think I see where he is coming from…many moms do FOR their children instead of teaching their children how to do for themselves. Many moms tell their children what to do instead of giving them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. However, rather than a blanket statement that we need to spend LESS time with our children, I believe that a more accurate statement would be to challenge mothers to spend MORE time TEACHING their children. Demonstrate kindness – rather than brushing them away because they are bothering you, find a way that they can assist –so that later they can do it independently. Free play is important, but so is training them ahead of time so that that free time is constructive rather than destructive, that they will model the fruits of the spirit that they have witnessed in you rather than pushing away those they do not want around.
He later explained how a mother’s constant chattering to the child leads the child to believe that the world revolves around him and is there to serve him, not the other way around. That this constant chattering prevents him from learning to think for himself and doing for himself. That the world’s attempts to increase a child’s self-esteem has the destructive effect of lowering his esteem for others. Hmmm…I can see his point. It is very important that our children believe that while they are special to God, they are really just one other person on this earth. While idle chatter is not warranted, I feel it IS important to provide some think-alouds for our children. Instead of just wrapping Christmas presents for the Salvation Army Angels, we can talk about how excited the children will be when they open the present. While we clean the house for Daddy, we can discuss how good it makes him feel when he comes home to a clean house after working hard all day. We can brainstorm with the children over ways we can help others. Chatter need not be idle noise to raise their awareness of themselves. But we can use the time to help children realize that their purpose in life is to bring others to a realization of their need for Christ Jesus. And we can do that through both our actions and our speech.
Then it takes an interesting turn…he declares that behavior modification does not work with children. That Skinner set out to prove that we are really no different than animals and he was going to prove Darwin correct. That Skinner was just a raging megalomaniac intent on having his name in the books forever with Marx, Darwin, Freud, etc. Now, that may or may not be true…but it does not change the fact that behavior modification DOES work…and Rosemond actually proved it to be correct through the use of his own examples. To discredit behavior modification, he gave the example of a 22-month old toddler who had recently begun to climb onto the coffee table. He was told not to do it, he was removed gently from the coffee table, he was reasoned with loudly that mommy and daddy don’t climb on the table, and neither will he, he was spanked lightly, he was spanked more forcibly, with yelling and quite upset tones, and still he was climbing onto the coffee table with a gleam in his eye that dared anyone to cross him. Rosemond at this point says that behavior modification obviously does not work – because punishment is having no effect. However, he is neglecting to notice the power of reinforcement – no, a promise of ice cream does not sway this toddler. But the attention he is earning from his climbing of the coffee table is more powerful than the effect of the punishment he receives. The principles of behavior analysis still exist – behavior that is reinforced is more likely to be repeated. This toddler’s behavior is being reinforced by the attention of the adults. Later, Rosemond describes how a teenager is punished by the removal of privileges when she has an infraction of the rules…he is using behavior modification to modify behavior. No, he may not be using an elaborate rewards/punishment system. But he is rewarding the positive behavior with curfew choices, with allowances, etc. and is punishing the challenging behavior with loss of privileges. This is behavior modification in its simplest form. Just because a child does not respond how you expect him to does not negate the effect of rewards/punishments. You just have to find what motivates them and deters them…and use that to modify behavior. And I do believe that John Rosemond did just that while at the same time decrying the behavior modification movement to be bunk. Of course, behavior modification is not the end all for some people, but it certainly has its merits.
Rosemond had some very good points about the role of the wife being often forgotten when she takes on the role of the mother. That “till death do us part” often becomes “till children do us part.” He challenged us to fill in the blanks: “Last week, I spent _____ (amount of time) in the role of a mother. Last week, I spent ____ (amount of time) in the role of a wife.” Ouch! That is a very good point, one that should cause us wives to step back and see if we are failing our husbands.
Rosemond stated that he doesn’t give tips and strategies…but he did give some good suggestions for non-arguing with teenagers. However, when giving the examples of his conversations with his teenagers, I’m not sure that it is quite the standard I’m aiming for. Sure, we all want to think of being THE ONE parent who can breeze through the young adult years without the heated arguments and slammed doors. But it is good to have a goal, right? And if my goal is to “make it through” or “teens will be teens” then it’s really not much of a goal, if you ask me.
He had some good points. He had some very questionable points. He had some flat out inaccurate points. But I could see why he said what he said...I just do not agree with his means to the end. Let's see if I can clarify...
He has a very good point that children "way back when" (he's 61 yrs at this time of writing) had a better respect for authority, that if the smallest teacher told the biggest thug to sit down and be quiet, he did. We are seriously lacking in that respect these days. I agree with this. It's his solution that has caused me to seriously reflect on my own beliefs and the truths I have found in my own parenting journey. He feels that a child needs to fear his mother, that there should not be a friendship relationship at all – that once we are friends with our child, our leadership is devalued. I understand that to a point. But I think there is a middle ground. I feel that we can be a true leader while at the same time enjoy being with our children – and they with us. Yes, there are times they do not enjoy us and us them. But for a child to “rise up and call her blessed”, a mother needs to do more than bark orders and teach independence. His assertion that a relationship not exist between a mother and her child is simply not acceptable unless your only goal is to rear children so that they leave home one day.
A teacher 'back then" was able to teach fifty first-graders in one classroom their ABC's and how to read and write more effectively than a teacher can do with twenty in today's classroom...because mothers "taught the ADD out of children BEFORE they got to school." Again...good point. ADD is over-diagnosed and over-medicated. Many times children have watched too much television or played too many video games with constantly changing screens to pay attention to a "boring" teacher. But that does not mean that ADD does not exist for some people. Also, while behavior changes can be made for many said students, if parental support is not there, then medication may be the only way for them to succeed even a little in school. Not ideal by any means, but true.
Rosemond said that mothers spend too much time with their children - that there is no need to constantly "orbit" around a child past the age of two years. That by constantly orbiting, meeting every need, micromanaging his entire day, the mother is in fact doing a disservice to her child. That instead, a mother should tell her child to leave her alone, that he is bothering her. Send him outside to figure things out for himself. Because the media has blown child abductions out of proportion – that we are actually safer now than years ago. Hmmmm….food for thought. After mulling it over for a few days, I think I see where he is coming from…many moms do FOR their children instead of teaching their children how to do for themselves. Many moms tell their children what to do instead of giving them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. However, rather than a blanket statement that we need to spend LESS time with our children, I believe that a more accurate statement would be to challenge mothers to spend MORE time TEACHING their children. Demonstrate kindness – rather than brushing them away because they are bothering you, find a way that they can assist –so that later they can do it independently. Free play is important, but so is training them ahead of time so that that free time is constructive rather than destructive, that they will model the fruits of the spirit that they have witnessed in you rather than pushing away those they do not want around.
He later explained how a mother’s constant chattering to the child leads the child to believe that the world revolves around him and is there to serve him, not the other way around. That this constant chattering prevents him from learning to think for himself and doing for himself. That the world’s attempts to increase a child’s self-esteem has the destructive effect of lowering his esteem for others. Hmmm…I can see his point. It is very important that our children believe that while they are special to God, they are really just one other person on this earth. While idle chatter is not warranted, I feel it IS important to provide some think-alouds for our children. Instead of just wrapping Christmas presents for the Salvation Army Angels, we can talk about how excited the children will be when they open the present. While we clean the house for Daddy, we can discuss how good it makes him feel when he comes home to a clean house after working hard all day. We can brainstorm with the children over ways we can help others. Chatter need not be idle noise to raise their awareness of themselves. But we can use the time to help children realize that their purpose in life is to bring others to a realization of their need for Christ Jesus. And we can do that through both our actions and our speech.
Then it takes an interesting turn…he declares that behavior modification does not work with children. That Skinner set out to prove that we are really no different than animals and he was going to prove Darwin correct. That Skinner was just a raging megalomaniac intent on having his name in the books forever with Marx, Darwin, Freud, etc. Now, that may or may not be true…but it does not change the fact that behavior modification DOES work…and Rosemond actually proved it to be correct through the use of his own examples. To discredit behavior modification, he gave the example of a 22-month old toddler who had recently begun to climb onto the coffee table. He was told not to do it, he was removed gently from the coffee table, he was reasoned with loudly that mommy and daddy don’t climb on the table, and neither will he, he was spanked lightly, he was spanked more forcibly, with yelling and quite upset tones, and still he was climbing onto the coffee table with a gleam in his eye that dared anyone to cross him. Rosemond at this point says that behavior modification obviously does not work – because punishment is having no effect. However, he is neglecting to notice the power of reinforcement – no, a promise of ice cream does not sway this toddler. But the attention he is earning from his climbing of the coffee table is more powerful than the effect of the punishment he receives. The principles of behavior analysis still exist – behavior that is reinforced is more likely to be repeated. This toddler’s behavior is being reinforced by the attention of the adults. Later, Rosemond describes how a teenager is punished by the removal of privileges when she has an infraction of the rules…he is using behavior modification to modify behavior. No, he may not be using an elaborate rewards/punishment system. But he is rewarding the positive behavior with curfew choices, with allowances, etc. and is punishing the challenging behavior with loss of privileges. This is behavior modification in its simplest form. Just because a child does not respond how you expect him to does not negate the effect of rewards/punishments. You just have to find what motivates them and deters them…and use that to modify behavior. And I do believe that John Rosemond did just that while at the same time decrying the behavior modification movement to be bunk. Of course, behavior modification is not the end all for some people, but it certainly has its merits.
Rosemond had some very good points about the role of the wife being often forgotten when she takes on the role of the mother. That “till death do us part” often becomes “till children do us part.” He challenged us to fill in the blanks: “Last week, I spent _____ (amount of time) in the role of a mother. Last week, I spent ____ (amount of time) in the role of a wife.” Ouch! That is a very good point, one that should cause us wives to step back and see if we are failing our husbands.
Rosemond stated that he doesn’t give tips and strategies…but he did give some good suggestions for non-arguing with teenagers. However, when giving the examples of his conversations with his teenagers, I’m not sure that it is quite the standard I’m aiming for. Sure, we all want to think of being THE ONE parent who can breeze through the young adult years without the heated arguments and slammed doors. But it is good to have a goal, right? And if my goal is to “make it through” or “teens will be teens” then it’s really not much of a goal, if you ask me.
Something else that he said that I had never considered...even God has children who misbehave. He is trying to allieve some of our guilt for parenting mistakes. I understand it with my head. But my heart still knows the truth...that I have NOT modeled meekness, gentleness, temperance, etc. as well as I should. Therefore, when our children exhibit difficulties in these areas, I CAN point my finger back to myself and see that I am at fault. Certainly not 100%...but until I allow God to work in my life more effectively, I can not expect our children to behave differently.
So, after a few days of mulling over some things he shared, some suggestions he made, I have come to the conclusion that he had some good points. He had some very questionable points. He had some flat out inaccurate points. But I could see why he said what he said...
Sunday, November 8, 2009
I'm Going to be a Grandma to Dolphins!
Our 3yo continues to live in his own world of "L Land" - but that's okay, because he is happy there. While his older siblings discuss what they want to be when they grow up (N wants to be an astronaut or a rescue diver and O either a babysitter or ...not sure), L is fairly certain he wants to be a Triceratops. Sometimes he will switch over to wanting to be a dolphin. Today at lunch N said that he is going to have four boys and two girls when he is a dad. O plans to have two children. L plans to have five dolphins when he is a dad :). He is just too precious for words. One day I know he will grow out of this phase and get a good chuckle. But for now, we let him live in this world of wonder, where anything can happen just because you want it to.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Catching Up
Well, it has been longer than I thought - almost four months since the last blog. I've thought about it off and on, but nothing "big" has really happened. Nothing that screamed, "BLOG!!!" But then I realized that each day is BIG. To us. And if it is not BIG to you, that is fine. You can skip if it doesn't interest you :) So here is what has been happening in our household over the last 3 1/2 months...
I haven't gotten much farther in reading my book, so I am unable to finish the book review. Big surprise there :). Seems I can only get "so far" in things before I'm pulled in another direction. I need to spend more time in God's actual Word anyway.
We have been BUSY with homeschool - we are finally settling into a routine. The oldest two rarely complain about school work and instead actually seem to enjoy it most of the time. I think we have finally turned a corner with spelling with one of mine...I read an article in a homeschool mag about a Charlotte Mason method of taking a mental picture of the word and spelling it orally before ever attempting to write it. We have been doing that in addition to underlining the phonetic stuff (for example: fresh would have FR and SH underlined). For whatever reason, it's working!!! Perfect scores on tests - but most importantly - RETENTION of material!!! Whew!
Another exciting event in our lives...we now have our van back! My hubby flew to Texas and then drove the van home - all in less than 24 hours. We didn't realize how much we missed it! Gold is not my favorite color, but it's beautiful! The sun roof doesn't open, the passenger window stays permanently cracked open, and the steering wheel radio controls don't work. The air conditioner control is wonky and the transmission still has a hard shift every so often...but IT IS PERFECT! :) I didn't realize how much the children noticed/missed it until they heard we were getting it back. Then they said, "Now we get to go to church as a FAMILY!!!" We've had to send K with the children or me with the children becasue we couldn't all fit into his vehicle. This past Sunday, we went together to church - it felt REALLY nice! Anytime we felt like complaining, we tried to remember that many, many people are worse off and we were only inconvenienced, not hurting. But yes, it's good to have it back.
What else? Well, N played football for the first time. His team was really not very good - but he played his heart out. He did his job and worked hard and did his best. That's all we can ask of him! His last game was in the mud and he had a blast!
Basketball season is getting geared up for the oldest two. First time for both of them and K has enjoyed helping them learn what to do. I've enjoyed sitting in on practices and finally understanding the rules of the game! I am not sure how I'm going to keep an 18m old still on the bleachers...guess I better get busy training!
So, that's the catch-up. Here's the plan for the next little bit: budget our finances in a better way and delegate household duties better. The children have not been doing as much as we know they can. But we don't want to just come in cracking the whip - so we're going to sit down and determine WHO can do WHAT and if any commission could be earned, HOW MUCH. Should be interesting! I'll try to post our plan on the next blog and let you know how it goes!
For now, there is dinner to prep and some sweetness to hug :)
I haven't gotten much farther in reading my book, so I am unable to finish the book review. Big surprise there :). Seems I can only get "so far" in things before I'm pulled in another direction. I need to spend more time in God's actual Word anyway.
We have been BUSY with homeschool - we are finally settling into a routine. The oldest two rarely complain about school work and instead actually seem to enjoy it most of the time. I think we have finally turned a corner with spelling with one of mine...I read an article in a homeschool mag about a Charlotte Mason method of taking a mental picture of the word and spelling it orally before ever attempting to write it. We have been doing that in addition to underlining the phonetic stuff (for example: fresh would have FR and SH underlined). For whatever reason, it's working!!! Perfect scores on tests - but most importantly - RETENTION of material!!! Whew!
Another exciting event in our lives...we now have our van back! My hubby flew to Texas and then drove the van home - all in less than 24 hours. We didn't realize how much we missed it! Gold is not my favorite color, but it's beautiful! The sun roof doesn't open, the passenger window stays permanently cracked open, and the steering wheel radio controls don't work. The air conditioner control is wonky and the transmission still has a hard shift every so often...but IT IS PERFECT! :) I didn't realize how much the children noticed/missed it until they heard we were getting it back. Then they said, "Now we get to go to church as a FAMILY!!!" We've had to send K with the children or me with the children becasue we couldn't all fit into his vehicle. This past Sunday, we went together to church - it felt REALLY nice! Anytime we felt like complaining, we tried to remember that many, many people are worse off and we were only inconvenienced, not hurting. But yes, it's good to have it back.
What else? Well, N played football for the first time. His team was really not very good - but he played his heart out. He did his job and worked hard and did his best. That's all we can ask of him! His last game was in the mud and he had a blast!
Basketball season is getting geared up for the oldest two. First time for both of them and K has enjoyed helping them learn what to do. I've enjoyed sitting in on practices and finally understanding the rules of the game! I am not sure how I'm going to keep an 18m old still on the bleachers...guess I better get busy training!
So, that's the catch-up. Here's the plan for the next little bit: budget our finances in a better way and delegate household duties better. The children have not been doing as much as we know they can. But we don't want to just come in cracking the whip - so we're going to sit down and determine WHO can do WHAT and if any commission could be earned, HOW MUCH. Should be interesting! I'll try to post our plan on the next blog and let you know how it goes!
For now, there is dinner to prep and some sweetness to hug :)
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Book Review: Teach Them Diligently
So I'm reading Teach Them Diligently by Lou Priolo. It's "how to use the scriptures in child training." It was a slooooow start for me. I love the Pearl's works (To Train Up a Child), but this was just hard to get into. I think because it often uses big words. It's been awhile since I had to use big words. But I kept hearing good reviews. So I just kept plugging away. After a little effort, I started to get into it. I keep it in the bathroom (so don't ask to borrow it, ha!) with a red pen for marking. Otherwise, it would get misplaced, reshelved, or buried under the mounds of STUFF that accumulates on the countertop. Anyway, here are a few things that i would like to remember this week:
* In regards to wasting time, remembering "if God, who is perfect, runs His affairs according to a schedule, it would be unwise to believe that {we} can get by without one." I'm great at creating schedules. Gotta work on following them!
* "I'm sorry" isn't good enough - if possible, we need to rectify the situation - make it right again. Replace broken/lost items, asking for forgiveness, etc.
* In 1891, H. Clay Trumbull wrote in his book Hints on Child Training that the meaning of "scold" is similar to "that of barking or howling" and that it is "always an expression of a bad spirit and of a loss of temper." And here's what we all know but sometimes forget: "If a child has done wrong, a child needs talking to; but no parent ought to talk to a child while that parent is unable to talk in a natural tone of voice, and with carefully measured words...the parent's first duty is to gain self-control."
* for every 1 reproof, offer 7 genuine praises
* "Your wording should rather focus on the severity of committing such a sin against God." Sometimes it's easy to point out how their actions affect other people (namely their siblings), but it is important to recognize the sin against God as well. I know whenever we remember to have them pray to God to request forgiveness, that's when they seem to be more aware of the consequences of their words/actions.
* "don't try to convict your child of sin when you are more angry because he has sinned against you than you are because he sinned aginst God." Ouch!
* Priolo also points out the necessity of using bilbical terminology when conviting others of their sins. Good point. The Bible is hard enough to relate to everyday life for a 3 year old. How much easier must it be if we can use the same vocabulary as the Bible...continuity. Plus, when we use that language, then they learn the language and will understand it better for themselves later.
*And, last for now...Priolo offers mock conversations throughout his book that are very helpful to "hear" how the training may occur. One such conversation discusses his realization that he (author) became "really angry when other people wasted {his} time, especially {his} spare time." He tied that to becoming a "lover of pleasure." Wow. I hadn't really made that connection before. It really hit home for me because I have begun to recognize that same anger when the children do not nap well. When they take a bit to go down, or get up too early, I become frustrated that my time to do xyz has been interrupted. Sometimes I just wanted to veg on the computer. Most of the time it's finishing this report or contacting clients or whatnot. But the main issue was that it was MY time. When instead I should recognize that it is all God's time and He has allowed me the privilege of completing what I am able to complete for that time period. After all, He has blessed me with children and has trusted me to provide for their physical, spiritual, and emotional well-being. That's difficult to do when I am stressing about MY time. When I want something more than I should, that is what creates the sinful anger.
Well, as I mentioned, I still have more to read, more to sort out. But so far...it's been a good book to bring home truths I already knew but needed to apply as well as some concepts I had yet to consider.
* In regards to wasting time, remembering "if God, who is perfect, runs His affairs according to a schedule, it would be unwise to believe that {we} can get by without one." I'm great at creating schedules. Gotta work on following them!
* "I'm sorry" isn't good enough - if possible, we need to rectify the situation - make it right again. Replace broken/lost items, asking for forgiveness, etc.
* In 1891, H. Clay Trumbull wrote in his book Hints on Child Training that the meaning of "scold" is similar to "that of barking or howling" and that it is "always an expression of a bad spirit and of a loss of temper." And here's what we all know but sometimes forget: "If a child has done wrong, a child needs talking to; but no parent ought to talk to a child while that parent is unable to talk in a natural tone of voice, and with carefully measured words...the parent's first duty is to gain self-control."
* for every 1 reproof, offer 7 genuine praises
* "Your wording should rather focus on the severity of committing such a sin against God." Sometimes it's easy to point out how their actions affect other people (namely their siblings), but it is important to recognize the sin against God as well. I know whenever we remember to have them pray to God to request forgiveness, that's when they seem to be more aware of the consequences of their words/actions.
* "don't try to convict your child of sin when you are more angry because he has sinned against you than you are because he sinned aginst God." Ouch!
* Priolo also points out the necessity of using bilbical terminology when conviting others of their sins. Good point. The Bible is hard enough to relate to everyday life for a 3 year old. How much easier must it be if we can use the same vocabulary as the Bible...continuity. Plus, when we use that language, then they learn the language and will understand it better for themselves later.
*And, last for now...Priolo offers mock conversations throughout his book that are very helpful to "hear" how the training may occur. One such conversation discusses his realization that he (author) became "really angry when other people wasted {his} time, especially {his} spare time." He tied that to becoming a "lover of pleasure." Wow. I hadn't really made that connection before. It really hit home for me because I have begun to recognize that same anger when the children do not nap well. When they take a bit to go down, or get up too early, I become frustrated that my time to do xyz has been interrupted. Sometimes I just wanted to veg on the computer. Most of the time it's finishing this report or contacting clients or whatnot. But the main issue was that it was MY time. When instead I should recognize that it is all God's time and He has allowed me the privilege of completing what I am able to complete for that time period. After all, He has blessed me with children and has trusted me to provide for their physical, spiritual, and emotional well-being. That's difficult to do when I am stressing about MY time. When I want something more than I should, that is what creates the sinful anger.
Well, as I mentioned, I still have more to read, more to sort out. But so far...it's been a good book to bring home truths I already knew but needed to apply as well as some concepts I had yet to consider.
Monday, July 6, 2009
One Last Visit
I lost my granddaddy last year. I say “lost” but not really. I know where he is. Despite all the rocky times his life encountered, he finally ended on the upside.
He disappointed me a lot when I was younger, saying he’d come visit. And then never show or even call. I used to get so excited to see him. He always loved my little sister best, but it didn’t bother me. I was happy just to see him. And see what he’d leave behind on that visit (I guess that’s where I get it). But then it just kept happening and I just got older. Old enough to remember that perhaps this time would be like all the rest and he’d be a no show. I was too young to understand the grips of alcohol, to realize that addiction makes you do things you don’t want to do…and keeps you from doing the things you love.
He came to live with us when I was in middle school. He had cancer. Being a typical adolescent, I wasn’t overly concerned with the cancer diagnosis, as I’m sure my mother must have been. I realize that I didn’t make it particularly easy on anyone during that time, being as preoccupied with myself as I tended to be. Looking back, there were so many things I could have done, could have said. It didn’t change much as I got older, either. He continued to make poor choices and I just began to ignore him except on those occasions that I was reminded he still existed – to take him food or this or that from Mom. I made the visits quick and left as soon as I could. Snobby, I suppose. Didn’t like where he lived or how it smelled or the neighborhood.
Then he had heart problems. He had to have surgery. Very sick. Something wonderful happened because of that heart problem. He became eligible for financial assistance. He was able to move to an apartment. This apartment had rules – he had to keep it clean and no bad influences. He’d been on and off the wagon so many times, I thought for sure this would be in passing as well. But not this time. This time, he kept his promise. He stayed in that apartment, and kept it clean – just in case we came to visit. And visit we did – most Christmases. But not every. Sometimes once or twice at other times of the year. Very shameful, I know. I was caught up in being busy, in rearing children. It was their naptime, they were hungry, what if we broke something? What if we stayed too late and missed xyz? We could only stay a few minutes, so we didn’t bother going at all. And now we’ll never have another chance. For four or five years, I had the opportunity to mend the fences and build a relationship between my children and the granddaddy I always knew he could be…but now that opportunity is gone. When I think of him, I always see his smile first – that big grin, happy to see me. He always smiled at the children, happy to see them crawling around. I remember the time Nate was 1 ½ years old and we stopped over for Christmas – Granddaddy had cashews. And Nate liked them! Because of those cashews, Granddaddy finally got to hold Nate without him squirming to get off his lap.
He got sick again when I had Ella. I couldn’t go see him then due to him having a staph infection and me with a newborn. He left the hospital the same day I took Ella in for a bilirubin check – my children were able to see him, but not me. I never got to let him meet his latest grandbaby. He “temporarily” moved to a nursing home for therapy to swallow and left in an ambulance. The next time I saw my granddaddy was when all the nurses and doctors and EMTs were standing over him, trying to revive his heart. Just like on the TV – but this time it was real and it was with the granddaddy I never got to say “I’m sorry” to. I always thought there would be another day, another tomorrow. He lived through so many things – he was tough. But not this time. This time he held on for four more days, but never woke up. I stood beside him, looking at his socked feet, grateful that he was wearing socks so that he wouldn’t be cold. Took his watch so it wouldn’t be stolen – and then was sorry because I’m always so lost without my watch. I talked to him, told him I loved him. Kissed his head like Mom asked me to. He never woke up. Missed my baby, someone to hold, so badly I couldn’t stand it. I’ve never been in that situation before. Never been placed in the “family room” with a counselor. Never had doctors ask about living wills…it was all a miserable first. And I didn’t enjoy it. But I am grateful that I had those moments with him. Even if I was too late, I was still there so he didn’t have to be alone.
Later, family came and sat with him and I went back to tending to my children. But my mind was on him. Of days and times and moments that were lost that would have been so easy to share with him. But I didn’t. I could have called more. Written more. Visited more. And no matter what others say, I know that I didn’t do all that I could. I could have done much, much, more to let him know that he was loved. But I also know that he loved me – and he didn’t hold it against me. Even though he could have, he didn’t spend his time moaning about his family who never visited. I was there as he took his last breath on this Earth. And realized that my Granddaddy was gone. And this time I knew that he really wasn’t going to come back.
So for now, I’ll just remember his big smile and button-down shirts and look forward to getting in more visits in Heaven – where there will be no tears and no regrets. We’ll get that good, long visit in eventually and boy, won’t that be a visit to remember?!
He disappointed me a lot when I was younger, saying he’d come visit. And then never show or even call. I used to get so excited to see him. He always loved my little sister best, but it didn’t bother me. I was happy just to see him. And see what he’d leave behind on that visit (I guess that’s where I get it). But then it just kept happening and I just got older. Old enough to remember that perhaps this time would be like all the rest and he’d be a no show. I was too young to understand the grips of alcohol, to realize that addiction makes you do things you don’t want to do…and keeps you from doing the things you love.
He came to live with us when I was in middle school. He had cancer. Being a typical adolescent, I wasn’t overly concerned with the cancer diagnosis, as I’m sure my mother must have been. I realize that I didn’t make it particularly easy on anyone during that time, being as preoccupied with myself as I tended to be. Looking back, there were so many things I could have done, could have said. It didn’t change much as I got older, either. He continued to make poor choices and I just began to ignore him except on those occasions that I was reminded he still existed – to take him food or this or that from Mom. I made the visits quick and left as soon as I could. Snobby, I suppose. Didn’t like where he lived or how it smelled or the neighborhood.
Then he had heart problems. He had to have surgery. Very sick. Something wonderful happened because of that heart problem. He became eligible for financial assistance. He was able to move to an apartment. This apartment had rules – he had to keep it clean and no bad influences. He’d been on and off the wagon so many times, I thought for sure this would be in passing as well. But not this time. This time, he kept his promise. He stayed in that apartment, and kept it clean – just in case we came to visit. And visit we did – most Christmases. But not every. Sometimes once or twice at other times of the year. Very shameful, I know. I was caught up in being busy, in rearing children. It was their naptime, they were hungry, what if we broke something? What if we stayed too late and missed xyz? We could only stay a few minutes, so we didn’t bother going at all. And now we’ll never have another chance. For four or five years, I had the opportunity to mend the fences and build a relationship between my children and the granddaddy I always knew he could be…but now that opportunity is gone. When I think of him, I always see his smile first – that big grin, happy to see me. He always smiled at the children, happy to see them crawling around. I remember the time Nate was 1 ½ years old and we stopped over for Christmas – Granddaddy had cashews. And Nate liked them! Because of those cashews, Granddaddy finally got to hold Nate without him squirming to get off his lap.
He got sick again when I had Ella. I couldn’t go see him then due to him having a staph infection and me with a newborn. He left the hospital the same day I took Ella in for a bilirubin check – my children were able to see him, but not me. I never got to let him meet his latest grandbaby. He “temporarily” moved to a nursing home for therapy to swallow and left in an ambulance. The next time I saw my granddaddy was when all the nurses and doctors and EMTs were standing over him, trying to revive his heart. Just like on the TV – but this time it was real and it was with the granddaddy I never got to say “I’m sorry” to. I always thought there would be another day, another tomorrow. He lived through so many things – he was tough. But not this time. This time he held on for four more days, but never woke up. I stood beside him, looking at his socked feet, grateful that he was wearing socks so that he wouldn’t be cold. Took his watch so it wouldn’t be stolen – and then was sorry because I’m always so lost without my watch. I talked to him, told him I loved him. Kissed his head like Mom asked me to. He never woke up. Missed my baby, someone to hold, so badly I couldn’t stand it. I’ve never been in that situation before. Never been placed in the “family room” with a counselor. Never had doctors ask about living wills…it was all a miserable first. And I didn’t enjoy it. But I am grateful that I had those moments with him. Even if I was too late, I was still there so he didn’t have to be alone.
Later, family came and sat with him and I went back to tending to my children. But my mind was on him. Of days and times and moments that were lost that would have been so easy to share with him. But I didn’t. I could have called more. Written more. Visited more. And no matter what others say, I know that I didn’t do all that I could. I could have done much, much, more to let him know that he was loved. But I also know that he loved me – and he didn’t hold it against me. Even though he could have, he didn’t spend his time moaning about his family who never visited. I was there as he took his last breath on this Earth. And realized that my Granddaddy was gone. And this time I knew that he really wasn’t going to come back.
So for now, I’ll just remember his big smile and button-down shirts and look forward to getting in more visits in Heaven – where there will be no tears and no regrets. We’ll get that good, long visit in eventually and boy, won’t that be a visit to remember?!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
So maybe we need to add Art to our school schedule in the fall. Ha!
Nate drew this pic today of him and Ella.
And he called me over with, “Look what I drew for you, Mommy b/c I love you so much!” Yep, a picture of me.
For a soon-to-be-Kindergarten student, I thought his handwriting wasn’t too bad though (especially for a boy who hasn’t really worked on it!)
Nate drew this pic today of him and Ella.
And he called me over with, “Look what I drew for you, Mommy b/c I love you so much!” Yep, a picture of me.
For a soon-to-be-Kindergarten student, I thought his handwriting wasn’t too bad though (especially for a boy who hasn’t really worked on it!)
Friday, June 12, 2009
Way Too Much Excitement for This Mama
This evening, the children and I were traveling home from the grocery store. The sky was a little stormy on the way, but looked clear heading home. We were hoping to get home and beat the storm – nothing like unloading four children + food for an army in the pouring rain while one thinks the rain is the greatest thing ever and another screams like the sky is pouring acid on every pore. The other two carry in the smallest bag possible and wimp out on the rest – until I stronghold them and then they carry in things, but only if they can simultaneously let me know that they are very unhappy with the arrangement and I have obviously ruined their clothes by letting them get wet. So yes, I was eager to get home before my happily helpful children were traded for the children from, well – you get the picture.
Anyway, we were traveling on a four-lane highway that was unusually busy. We were talking about the big black truck in front of us. Big truck. Big tires. Very, very loud. But it was a newer truck, so I suppose the owner is one of those people that think it is cool for your new truck to sound like an old truck. Go figure. Anyway, I glance in my rearview mirror and there is another truck as close to my bumper as they could get without touching me. In fact, I was certain they were going to bump me at any moment. The truck (maroon) finally swerves around me as if to pass – but I’m not sure where, as there was an SUV up ahead. Otherwise, I would have been in the right lane myself. I was going as fast as the black truck in front allowed…not like I was a granny driver in the fast lane. So the maroon truck swerves around (Olivia said it was a girl who was laughing) and guns it to get parallel with the black truck in front of me. The black truck proceeds to rev (gun, whatever the lingo) so that his truck is ROARING going down the highway. Over and over. Louder and Louder. We realize the two trucks must know each other. Or perhaps it’s their owners who know one another. Regardless, they proceed to gas, brake, gas, brake until I am pretty much freaking out – I mean, I have precious cargo here!
So then Crazy Black Truck gasses it and takes off at high speed – just to swerve in front of the SUV (who apparently is an innocent victim as well) and slam on his brakes. Thankfully, the SUV was attentive and didn’t hit the truck. Crazy Black Truck’s owner proceeds to shoot a bird while swerving from left to right lanes so that no one could pass (as if any of us WANTED to get any closer to him). Mind you, we are traveling at about 50 mph. With traffic all around. With no median separating us from head-on traffic and a guard rail keeping us from the river. So the right lane now has Crazy Black Truck, then the innocent SUV, and then Laughing Maroon Truck. Out of nowhere come a black car, followed by a white car. In and out, zig-zaging in and out, around car after car from left to right – and then around us. Crazy Black Truck gasses it and cuts in front of them, back in the left lane. So now we have Crazy Black Truck, black car, and white car in front of us. Dear God, our turn is just ahead. Please let them go straight.
The whole time this is going on, I am trying to figure out how to avoid these words: stupid, freakin’, and ticked off. They are the only words that I really want to say, yet I have four children in the car and so my sentences go something like, “Oh – you’ve got to be … how … oh my… get away! Go away! You are … so… st…frrrr…Friday night is … oh my… I am so..” you get the point. Nothing making sense. So to add to the noise of Crazy Black Truck, I now hear, “What? What? What’s happening?” over and over x three children (plus Ella who thinks the wind in her hair is great, so she’s cheering from the back). Finally they realize that Mommy is insane and they need to be silent. Except for Ella, who keeps reminding me how precious my cargo really is.
Long story short – well, too late for that – anyway, Laughing Maroon Truck, black car and white car all zoom straight ahead and Crazy Black Truck makes a few more swerves and takes a left. Thankfully he decided to kick it in turbo and zoomed far enough ahead that the noise was no longer deafening and I could finally think clearly and try to figure out what just happened. I had to think a lot b/c I had to use vocabulary for the children that didn’t include any of the words that I wanted to use. I also wanted to convey the experience in a way that really let them know how their actions endangered not only their lives, but other’s as well. And I had to figure out how to start breathing again.
Not sure if I got the point across, but I did manage to only say “That ticks me off – Mommy shouldn’t have said that – don’t ever say that” one time.
Anyway, we were traveling on a four-lane highway that was unusually busy. We were talking about the big black truck in front of us. Big truck. Big tires. Very, very loud. But it was a newer truck, so I suppose the owner is one of those people that think it is cool for your new truck to sound like an old truck. Go figure. Anyway, I glance in my rearview mirror and there is another truck as close to my bumper as they could get without touching me. In fact, I was certain they were going to bump me at any moment. The truck (maroon) finally swerves around me as if to pass – but I’m not sure where, as there was an SUV up ahead. Otherwise, I would have been in the right lane myself. I was going as fast as the black truck in front allowed…not like I was a granny driver in the fast lane. So the maroon truck swerves around (Olivia said it was a girl who was laughing) and guns it to get parallel with the black truck in front of me. The black truck proceeds to rev (gun, whatever the lingo) so that his truck is ROARING going down the highway. Over and over. Louder and Louder. We realize the two trucks must know each other. Or perhaps it’s their owners who know one another. Regardless, they proceed to gas, brake, gas, brake until I am pretty much freaking out – I mean, I have precious cargo here!
So then Crazy Black Truck gasses it and takes off at high speed – just to swerve in front of the SUV (who apparently is an innocent victim as well) and slam on his brakes. Thankfully, the SUV was attentive and didn’t hit the truck. Crazy Black Truck’s owner proceeds to shoot a bird while swerving from left to right lanes so that no one could pass (as if any of us WANTED to get any closer to him). Mind you, we are traveling at about 50 mph. With traffic all around. With no median separating us from head-on traffic and a guard rail keeping us from the river. So the right lane now has Crazy Black Truck, then the innocent SUV, and then Laughing Maroon Truck. Out of nowhere come a black car, followed by a white car. In and out, zig-zaging in and out, around car after car from left to right – and then around us. Crazy Black Truck gasses it and cuts in front of them, back in the left lane. So now we have Crazy Black Truck, black car, and white car in front of us. Dear God, our turn is just ahead. Please let them go straight.
The whole time this is going on, I am trying to figure out how to avoid these words: stupid, freakin’, and ticked off. They are the only words that I really want to say, yet I have four children in the car and so my sentences go something like, “Oh – you’ve got to be … how … oh my… get away! Go away! You are … so… st…frrrr…Friday night is … oh my… I am so..” you get the point. Nothing making sense. So to add to the noise of Crazy Black Truck, I now hear, “What? What? What’s happening?” over and over x three children (plus Ella who thinks the wind in her hair is great, so she’s cheering from the back). Finally they realize that Mommy is insane and they need to be silent. Except for Ella, who keeps reminding me how precious my cargo really is.
Long story short – well, too late for that – anyway, Laughing Maroon Truck, black car and white car all zoom straight ahead and Crazy Black Truck makes a few more swerves and takes a left. Thankfully he decided to kick it in turbo and zoomed far enough ahead that the noise was no longer deafening and I could finally think clearly and try to figure out what just happened. I had to think a lot b/c I had to use vocabulary for the children that didn’t include any of the words that I wanted to use. I also wanted to convey the experience in a way that really let them know how their actions endangered not only their lives, but other’s as well. And I had to figure out how to start breathing again.
Not sure if I got the point across, but I did manage to only say “That ticks me off – Mommy shouldn’t have said that – don’t ever say that” one time.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Heart-Stopping Action
The oldest two have been in swim lessons for six days now. I’m not sure what I envisioned. I have memories of taking swim lessons as a child…of being the best in the group, of being old enough to think the teacher was flirting with me when he asked me if I was interested in joining the swim team (yeah…flirting with a pre-teen, I’m sure -ha!). I remember being on the swim team and alternating between loving it and hating it, depending on the coach, the fellow swimmers, and my emotional state (by this time being a teenager). But as an adult, I am grateful for those years, because it continues to be the only exercise that I can do without my joints screaming in protest and threatening to quit working altogether if I try even one more bicep curl. Plus, I wanted the children to have at least some ability of saving themselves – and of fitting in when they are with other children.
They haven’t been able to take before because we always have babies…I can’t get in the mommy-and-me class with them because I also have a baby. Don’t get me wrong – my babies love the water. But they love it so much that they want to put their faces in it and don’t understand why they come up coughing. Every time. So while I could pop a baby in the sling and work with the two-year-old, I wimped out and just waited. The result has been that I now have a 6 ½ and 5 year old who don’t really know how to swim. Sure, the 6yo can jump in and swim to the side. But nothing really to impress the friends when we are trying to get that socialization time in that everyone else seems to worry about so much.
So anyway, they’re in swim lessons. The typical dunk-the-kid-under-water routine. A little kickboard action. Some floating. They love it. Their favorite parts? Free time. Gotta love it. Let’s spend money on swim lessons so that you can enjoy free time. But I do see them improving. At the start of class, Olivia could get 2-3 rings off the pool floor at a time before coming up sputtering and gasping. Now she gets 10 at a time and comes up confident and shining. The secret? A little good-natured completion. The one with the most gets to jump off the diving board first. Eeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!! Stop the music – they get to do WHAT first? Sure, I’ve see the toddlers being hung by their arms and dropped into the waiting arms of the lifeguards – barely getting their faces wet. But how are they going to catch the bigger kids? (and by bigger, I mean…there are some bigger kids in the class). I just smile and wave and hold in my nervousness. Because that’s what moms do, right? Cheer on the outside and cringe on the inside? All the while, looking and searching and finding everything in place and no reason to call off the exciting leap into the twelve-foot-deep waters.
So Nate goes first (his class). I just knew that he’d stand at the end and be the one the lifeguard had to drag to the end, prying off his arms and legs and ending up with both of them falling head first into the depths of the pool – that my child would be the “don’t do this” example for the rest of the class. Ummmmm….no. Nate walked to the end, gave a smile and stepped off into the air, then water over his head, and back up without so much as one sputter. Just a swipe of his hand over his eyes and he dogpaddled to the side of the pool. Sure – he did it. But his standard is do it once and pass on the next turn. Nope. He did it again. Wow. I am so stinking proud of him! He has matured so much in the last few months…since April, I guess. I asked him how he felt and if he wanted to do it. He said, “They made us do it – but I am glad I did it without crying.” Me too. Glad that someone else’s child was the one with legs wrapped around the legs, arms around the arms and the child’s mother hollering, “Just throw her in!”
Olivia’s class almost didn’t get a shot – the teachers forgot. Not the children, though. They made sure to remind them! Olivia was supposed to go first, but thankfully didn’t make a fuss when they forgot. Three went ahead of her…the lifeguard dropping them into the water, into the waiting arms of the lifeguard. Olivia gets to the end of the board and rather than being dropped in – she jumps! Definitely no shyness there. Water all over the lifeguard’s face and surprised each one of them.nHer disappointment was that they only got to have one turn.
So, my heart only had to stop three times today. I guess that’s not too bad. Of course, the day is not over and we still have ball games and gymnastics to go to. Plenty of heart-stopping action left in the day!
They haven’t been able to take before because we always have babies…I can’t get in the mommy-and-me class with them because I also have a baby. Don’t get me wrong – my babies love the water. But they love it so much that they want to put their faces in it and don’t understand why they come up coughing. Every time. So while I could pop a baby in the sling and work with the two-year-old, I wimped out and just waited. The result has been that I now have a 6 ½ and 5 year old who don’t really know how to swim. Sure, the 6yo can jump in and swim to the side. But nothing really to impress the friends when we are trying to get that socialization time in that everyone else seems to worry about so much.
So anyway, they’re in swim lessons. The typical dunk-the-kid-under-water routine. A little kickboard action. Some floating. They love it. Their favorite parts? Free time. Gotta love it. Let’s spend money on swim lessons so that you can enjoy free time. But I do see them improving. At the start of class, Olivia could get 2-3 rings off the pool floor at a time before coming up sputtering and gasping. Now she gets 10 at a time and comes up confident and shining. The secret? A little good-natured completion. The one with the most gets to jump off the diving board first. Eeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!! Stop the music – they get to do WHAT first? Sure, I’ve see the toddlers being hung by their arms and dropped into the waiting arms of the lifeguards – barely getting their faces wet. But how are they going to catch the bigger kids? (and by bigger, I mean…there are some bigger kids in the class). I just smile and wave and hold in my nervousness. Because that’s what moms do, right? Cheer on the outside and cringe on the inside? All the while, looking and searching and finding everything in place and no reason to call off the exciting leap into the twelve-foot-deep waters.
So Nate goes first (his class). I just knew that he’d stand at the end and be the one the lifeguard had to drag to the end, prying off his arms and legs and ending up with both of them falling head first into the depths of the pool – that my child would be the “don’t do this” example for the rest of the class. Ummmmm….no. Nate walked to the end, gave a smile and stepped off into the air, then water over his head, and back up without so much as one sputter. Just a swipe of his hand over his eyes and he dogpaddled to the side of the pool. Sure – he did it. But his standard is do it once and pass on the next turn. Nope. He did it again. Wow. I am so stinking proud of him! He has matured so much in the last few months…since April, I guess. I asked him how he felt and if he wanted to do it. He said, “They made us do it – but I am glad I did it without crying.” Me too. Glad that someone else’s child was the one with legs wrapped around the legs, arms around the arms and the child’s mother hollering, “Just throw her in!”
Olivia’s class almost didn’t get a shot – the teachers forgot. Not the children, though. They made sure to remind them! Olivia was supposed to go first, but thankfully didn’t make a fuss when they forgot. Three went ahead of her…the lifeguard dropping them into the water, into the waiting arms of the lifeguard. Olivia gets to the end of the board and rather than being dropped in – she jumps! Definitely no shyness there. Water all over the lifeguard’s face and surprised each one of them.nHer disappointment was that they only got to have one turn.
So, my heart only had to stop three times today. I guess that’s not too bad. Of course, the day is not over and we still have ball games and gymnastics to go to. Plenty of heart-stopping action left in the day!
Saturday, June 6, 2009
My angel baby
So...each child has their own unique personalities. I think so far my third has to be the most entertaining. He is his own person, no matter who is around. Sure, he has his shy moments occasionally when in a new situation (especially if tired). But then there are those times that he greats complete strangers with, "I got a band-aid! I got ant bite!" Here are a few of the stories that just had us smiling:
He had surgery on his neck sometime last year. His brother and I both wake up crying when we have anesthesia. Not Lincoln. The first thing he does when he wakes up in recovery? "YOOK!" (look!) as he holds up his arm with the IV in it to the nurse. "Yook at my arm!" He thought it was the coolest thing.
Nate was eating his spaghetti (second plate) and said, "I'm going to grow up strong - like Samson and Daddy!" So sweet! The next day Lincoln was eating his taco and said, "I'm going to be strong like Samson!" I prodded, "And who else?" "Jesus! Jesus is STRONG!" "And...???" "John Henry!" So I asked, "And Daddy?" To which Lincoln replied, "No...he not strong." Gotta love him!
Lincoln has been wearing a spiderman cape EVERYWHERE lately! We do not allow him to wear it to bed, but he wears it pretty much everywhere else. Usually, he puts it on first thing in the morning and exclaims, "I'm a SUPERHERO!" He jumped off his great-aunts porch (as high as he is) so he could fly (brings back Kevin's memories of his escapades as a child). The boys and I were discussing the places their Grandpa Mike has lived. When I mentioned Saudi Arabia and that you have to fly there, Lincoln got all excited and began to look around, "Oooh! I need my tape!" (cape) Absolutely the truth. I honestly think we need to watch him because he really does think he can fly when he wears that thing.
Another cape story...he came out of his room one morning with a stethoscope around his neck, "I'm a doctor!" Then he goes back in and comes out wearing his cape, "I'm a SUPER DOCTOR!!!"
He can't say his "k" sound - so imagine the humor when he tells people about our new kitties. Except it comes out like, "We have TITTIES! A mama titty and yots of baby titties! Black baby titties and bwown baby titties." Yep. Keep a straight face while he tells you about it. I dare you!
I love this child. This child who I wondered if he would ever learn the names of his family members or his colors. If he would crawl forever or finally walk. If he would ever ever remember to "use big boy words" instead of whining or crying. Now he's learning letters and letter sounds and begs for "school work like ya-ya." He can be loud and "high maintenance." But he can also be oh, so affectionate. And funny. And absolutely fun to be with.
My Lincoln, the one I call, "Angel Baby."
Friday, June 5, 2009
Wow! What a memory!
Last Christmas when we left KY to go to TN, the van began stutter-starting at red lights when I turned right. By the time we arrived in TN, it was doing it for left and right turns, but not straight. Then it was doing fine when we left TN. Then over the course of the next few days, it got worse and worse. Kevin took it to Madison and got a part the car part store guy said it needed (but it didn’t work). Kevin ended up having to rent a vehicle to get home (I can’t remember why I couldn’t help…I think it was because he knew he’d need a work vehicle). People from our church had an extra van for us to borrow, so we followed, got, etc. until we got our van to the mechanic and me in the “new” van (1997) and Kevin in the HHR. What a blessing! The mechanic had it for about six weeks – it was the PCM box, the major computer for the van. We got a refurbished box. About a month later, it began to stutter a little, but not as bad. Back to the mechanic. The smaller box was messing up. About $800 this time and it took two weeks. We received a warning that it was most likely our wiring causing shortages and it was going to be costly – perhaps not worth the effort to replace. We decided to plug along and do what we could to keep this van – hoping for another two years, until we paid some “stupid tax” off and could get another.
When we left KY this last time, it began stuttering a little – but only on hills if we used cruise control. If we took it off cruise, we were fine. We figured that we’d need to take it eventually, but it wasn’t misbehaving too badly.
The Texas trip began poorly. Let me see what all I can remember:
1. Stuttering on hills, some starts
2. Lincoln put a "itty-bitty rock" in the fuel tank and almost got his arm stuck trying to get it out.
3. Spare tire wasn’t replaced and Kevin didn’t have the tools, so he just crammed it in the back – this caused a malfunction in the hatch and we could no longer open the back of the door (thus could not remove any of our luggage without disassembling the wooden ledge he created to help with space).
4. He turned the music on for the children while we did last-minute stuff. When we got all officially loaded, the battery was dead. Had to be jumped off.
The van stuttered occasionally as we drove. We passed under a sign for Quitman, MS and I asked Kevin if it was possibly a “sign” for us to “Quit, man!” We laughed uneasily and Kevin decided that we’d gone this far and we’d be fine. So we continued the journey and the van continued to stutter in increasingly more frequent intervals with fewer restrictions. We grew more uncertain, but still hoping. However, by the time we got to Tyler, Texas, we knew that we were quite likely in trouble. We didn’t know of the loops to circumvent the red lights and boy, did this town have some! And not just red lights – but red lights on hills!!! Kevin was putting it in neutral and revving and doing everything he knew to do to keep us going. Each red light, we didn’t know if it would be our last. I actually pulled out the pottette and let Lincoln use it while we were driving (maybe 30 mph) b/c we were afraid to stop long enough for him to go (btw…the baggies do a bang-up job of holding in the smell…once you get them closed!) We had the hazard lights on until we made it through the town, then we were okay once the speed picked back up. Then another town. Same story. Felt okay about things until it got dark. Then the reality of things started to creep in and we were ever so grateful to see signs for Waco – we knew we were close enough to be picked up by Mike should we putter out completely. We got lost in Waco and had to call Mike. We sat and idled for about 7 minutes while we waited on him to come get us. Surprisingly, the van was still able to putter to his house. Whew! Made it!!! And *only* 14+ hours with four children!
The next day, Mike rode with Kevin to Autozone to get them to do a diagnostic reading – it came up with errors every time! Someone else was in there and said that he had the same problem with his vehicle and it was just a hose with a hole in it. They went out to check out our van – and there was a huge hole in the hose. Whew! A $20 fix. What a relief! Except that it didn’t fix the stuttering. Still as bad as ever. Soooooo…now what? We had Paige's graduation that night – and somehow had to get home on Saturday! We realized that if we sold it now, we might get a little more than if it was completely dead. And if we headed home and it broke down, we’d be stranded completely. So we decided to leave the van with Mike and let him sell it (did I mention that we just paid it off last month?). We’d just rent a van to get home. Except that NO ONE rents vans or large SUVs for one-way trips with only a day’s notice. I do mean NO ONE. So we begin checking out airfare. With that little notice, Southwest had least expensive rates for $240/ticket. And that was 5 tickets b/c Linc just turned 3. No way. Couldn’t do it. We’re trying to figure out just how we are going to get home…talking about having Mike, Charles, and Royce on call just in case we broke down (depending on where we had issues). But no one felt comfortable with the thought of us + four children walking away from the van down the interstate. Finally, it dawns on me: two adults = two drivers = two cars. So back to the auto rental companies. Enterprise doesn’t rent one way, Period. The others didn’t have two vehicles available for one way. We finally got Hertz YIKES on the price!!! Went back and forth and finally got her down to a reasonable rate. The only problem was that we needed a credit card. We had brought cash and debit. So I felt like a teenager, getting my dad to go with me to pay for a car! Actually, we put it on his card and then when we got back to Huntsville, he got the $400 deposit back and we were able to pay for the rental with cash/debit. So, we made it back home with two vehicles. The boys road with Kevin and the girls road with me (I had the easier drive :)).
Whew! What a memory maker!
While we were there, we just all piled into two vehicles for Paige’s graduation, Sonic, and zoo trips. It worked out fine. We had a wonderful trip - the children were able to swim (and even soak in the hot (warm) tub) and were actually willing to talk and play with their grandparents this visit, rather than playing shy like they have in the past.
We have some stuff to pay off by the end of the summer and then can reevaluate and see the likelihood of getting another vehicle anytime soon. In the meantime, we've canceled some stuff. Thanks to friends and family, we've had some help with swim lessons and such.
We are trying to look at it all in a positive manner – that perhaps this is a great way to save $ on fuel and eating expenses, etc. When I mentioned to a friend that “lots of families function with one vehicle” she replied, “yes, but they don’t usually have four children!” True, but we’ll manage until it comes a time for us to get another vehicle. We know that God will provide what we need when we need it. And we’ve learned some lessons along the way.
So there’s the story, long version :).
When we left KY this last time, it began stuttering a little – but only on hills if we used cruise control. If we took it off cruise, we were fine. We figured that we’d need to take it eventually, but it wasn’t misbehaving too badly.
The Texas trip began poorly. Let me see what all I can remember:
1. Stuttering on hills, some starts
2. Lincoln put a "itty-bitty rock" in the fuel tank and almost got his arm stuck trying to get it out.
3. Spare tire wasn’t replaced and Kevin didn’t have the tools, so he just crammed it in the back – this caused a malfunction in the hatch and we could no longer open the back of the door (thus could not remove any of our luggage without disassembling the wooden ledge he created to help with space).
4. He turned the music on for the children while we did last-minute stuff. When we got all officially loaded, the battery was dead. Had to be jumped off.
The van stuttered occasionally as we drove. We passed under a sign for Quitman, MS and I asked Kevin if it was possibly a “sign” for us to “Quit, man!” We laughed uneasily and Kevin decided that we’d gone this far and we’d be fine. So we continued the journey and the van continued to stutter in increasingly more frequent intervals with fewer restrictions. We grew more uncertain, but still hoping. However, by the time we got to Tyler, Texas, we knew that we were quite likely in trouble. We didn’t know of the loops to circumvent the red lights and boy, did this town have some! And not just red lights – but red lights on hills!!! Kevin was putting it in neutral and revving and doing everything he knew to do to keep us going. Each red light, we didn’t know if it would be our last. I actually pulled out the pottette and let Lincoln use it while we were driving (maybe 30 mph) b/c we were afraid to stop long enough for him to go (btw…the baggies do a bang-up job of holding in the smell…once you get them closed!) We had the hazard lights on until we made it through the town, then we were okay once the speed picked back up. Then another town. Same story. Felt okay about things until it got dark. Then the reality of things started to creep in and we were ever so grateful to see signs for Waco – we knew we were close enough to be picked up by Mike should we putter out completely. We got lost in Waco and had to call Mike. We sat and idled for about 7 minutes while we waited on him to come get us. Surprisingly, the van was still able to putter to his house. Whew! Made it!!! And *only* 14+ hours with four children!
The next day, Mike rode with Kevin to Autozone to get them to do a diagnostic reading – it came up with errors every time! Someone else was in there and said that he had the same problem with his vehicle and it was just a hose with a hole in it. They went out to check out our van – and there was a huge hole in the hose. Whew! A $20 fix. What a relief! Except that it didn’t fix the stuttering. Still as bad as ever. Soooooo…now what? We had Paige's graduation that night – and somehow had to get home on Saturday! We realized that if we sold it now, we might get a little more than if it was completely dead. And if we headed home and it broke down, we’d be stranded completely. So we decided to leave the van with Mike and let him sell it (did I mention that we just paid it off last month?). We’d just rent a van to get home. Except that NO ONE rents vans or large SUVs for one-way trips with only a day’s notice. I do mean NO ONE. So we begin checking out airfare. With that little notice, Southwest had least expensive rates for $240/ticket. And that was 5 tickets b/c Linc just turned 3. No way. Couldn’t do it. We’re trying to figure out just how we are going to get home…talking about having Mike, Charles, and Royce on call just in case we broke down (depending on where we had issues). But no one felt comfortable with the thought of us + four children walking away from the van down the interstate. Finally, it dawns on me: two adults = two drivers = two cars. So back to the auto rental companies. Enterprise doesn’t rent one way, Period. The others didn’t have two vehicles available for one way. We finally got Hertz YIKES on the price!!! Went back and forth and finally got her down to a reasonable rate. The only problem was that we needed a credit card. We had brought cash and debit. So I felt like a teenager, getting my dad to go with me to pay for a car! Actually, we put it on his card and then when we got back to Huntsville, he got the $400 deposit back and we were able to pay for the rental with cash/debit. So, we made it back home with two vehicles. The boys road with Kevin and the girls road with me (I had the easier drive :)).
Whew! What a memory maker!
While we were there, we just all piled into two vehicles for Paige’s graduation, Sonic, and zoo trips. It worked out fine. We had a wonderful trip - the children were able to swim (and even soak in the hot (warm) tub) and were actually willing to talk and play with their grandparents this visit, rather than playing shy like they have in the past.
We have some stuff to pay off by the end of the summer and then can reevaluate and see the likelihood of getting another vehicle anytime soon. In the meantime, we've canceled some stuff. Thanks to friends and family, we've had some help with swim lessons and such.
We are trying to look at it all in a positive manner – that perhaps this is a great way to save $ on fuel and eating expenses, etc. When I mentioned to a friend that “lots of families function with one vehicle” she replied, “yes, but they don’t usually have four children!” True, but we’ll manage until it comes a time for us to get another vehicle. We know that God will provide what we need when we need it. And we’ve learned some lessons along the way.
So there’s the story, long version :).
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