Two's

My youngest is the one who's going to do me in. I remember when she was born, people asked what it was like having four and I said that four wasn't so difficult - it was just #3 that took energy. And I remember thinking the same about #2. But truly, truly, it is #4.

She is so so so so sweet. She has a smile that can light up any room. Her cheeks are so big they get in the way of her talking, so she just grins. She has a way of capturing everyone's attention, no matter what she is doing. Her eyes light up and you know that she is THERE, in the moment, with her whole being. She loves to imitate her siblings, even the dog :). Whatever they are doing, she is tagging right along behind them. Absolutely could not begin to describe how captivating her personality is.

Then there are the moments when she is not. So sweet, that is. Those moments where you turn and look behind you, because surely, SURELY, someone took her away and replaced her with this writhing, screaming, shell of someone in front of you. You think over what you just said, what you just did that could cause such a reaction in a child so little...nope, nope, nope, nothing should have resulted in this...THIS. Since she was a baby (crawling stage), she has been...demonstrative...with her anger. She stiffens her body, screams/growls at the top of her lungs, and nothing - I repeat, NOTHING you do/say/give/take - can make it better again. She used to back herself into a corner and stay there until calm. Now she tends to just stand stiffly and shake or lie on the floor and writhe. Even with all of my behavioral training, I would be tempted to just give her what she wants - but once it is at this stage, that is impossible because SHE doesn't even know what she wants. Example:

E: I need you wipe me
Me: i wipe her
E: NO! NO WIPE ME! as she screams and falls to the floor, throwing anything she can get her hands on, kicking things over, etc. as she screams "NO WIPE ME" repeatedly.

E: "May I have my nilk, please?"
Me: Sure - here it is
E: "That not chotik nilk" (as she starts to cry)
Me: yep - it is. Just made it. Taste it and see
E: "NO!!!! THAT NOT CHOTIK NILK!" and stiffens and turns red in the face and falls to the floor. She'll get up when I tell her to, but still mumbling, "that not chotik nilk" over and over and over and over and "I not want it"
Me: "Well, then you don't have to drink it." I move to put it away
E: "I want chotik nilk"
Me: "That's not how you ask"
E: "May I have chotik nilk please?"
and repeat the first eight lines...again and again.

She sits on my lap as I eat, still complaining. Eventually, she takes a sip and drinks the whole thing, smiling by the time she is finished.

What I have learned:
Calmness works. Understated calmness. As if you haven't a care in the world calmness. The slightest edge to the voice, the slightest irritability in your voice, just keeps it going. The calmness is what makes it short lived instead of the lengthy 20-minute sessions we used to have.

Offering 2 choices throughout the day. Do you want to put your panties on by yourself or with help? Do you want the pink shirt or the green one? Do you want milk or water? Do you want to sit in my lap or hold my hand?

If in the beginning stages, a calm, "No fits. Stand up" followed by instructions to use her "nice words" can help tremendously in nipping it before it turns into a doozie.

Reinforcement of said "nice words" throughout the day. Catching her being good is helping her remember what she needs to do when in distress. At this point, she gets a smarties candy or butterscotch chip for being calm and polite rather than screaming. We'll fade those as she's able, but honestly, the idea of her being 30 and needing chocolate to get through the day doesn't sound so far-fetched :).

For now, I am rejoicing in hope. For a spell, it was truly difficult. But now I see hope. We may just survive the two's and live to smile about it :)